Holding On To Heaven_A Reverse Harem Contemporary Romance Read online

  God I wanted that. So bad.

  My dad is coming to town. Taking me to dinner.

  He sighed, and I folded the note, tucking it into my hoodie pocket.

  “Who knew college would be so busy I’d never have time to hang out with my guys,” I said hours later. Amber came down with me to wait on the front steps of our dorm for my dad to pick me up.

  “Maybe you can meet up after dinner?”

  “You know Anderson goes to bed early—his swim time is around 6 a.m.” I had to admit that wasn’t the only reason. “I’m also keeping away from the guys while my dad is in town. I don’t want him anywhere near them.”

  She nodded and said, “I think Ginger and I are going out on Friday night.”

  Ginger was the girl from the party. “Is this like a date or just a friend thing?”

  “I’m not sure. I mean, I’ve never limited myself sexually, but you know Allendale wasn’t the biggest pool of options.”

  “You do you, Amber, that’s what college is about. Where are you going?”

  “She’s an art major and wants to take me to this little gallery downtown for a show.”

  “I love it. When do I get to meet her?”

  She smiled shyly. I’d never seen Amber like this. Normally she was bold and brash—but this thing with Ginger was new. I got it. “Let’s give it a little longer, okay?”

  “Definitely.”

  A sleek black car pulled up to the curb and the window rolled down. My dad leaned over the passenger seat and smiled.

  “See you later,” I said. She gave me a sympathetic smile.

  “Hi Dad,” I said, walking to the car. I opened the door and sat in the front. He leaned over and kissed my cheek.

  “How are you? How’s the first week of classes?”

  “Busy,” I said. “All the information is a little overwhelming.”

  He drove the car off campus and into town. There were dozens of restaurants in the area and I shouldn’t be surprised he picked the fanciest one. He pulled into the parking area and the valet opened my door.

  “Thank you,” I said, feeling awkward. I wanted to know where my dad got the money to pay for things like this. If he even had it—but there was no way I was going to ask.

  He walked around the car and I tried not to flinch when he placed his hand on my shoulder, directing me to the door. “I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you. We have a lot to catch up on—everything you’ve been doing. My new job. It’s an exciting time for our family.”

  We did have a lot to catch up on, but there was no doubt we both were keeping our own secrets. My father didn’t want to know the truth about my life and I had a feeling he didn’t want to tell me the truth about his. I followed him across the hardwood floors and into the quaint bistro with the distinct feeling that by the time the night was over, I’d have more questions than answers.

  I spent the evening fielding questions about college, roommates and classes, and my thoughts on professors. My father gave away enough to let me know he was fully aware of my schedule and had taken the time to check up on my professors.

  “Have you picked a church to attend yet?”

  The question stumped me. Other than the week before I left for school hadn’t gone to church since he’d left us—mostly because my mother and I couldn’t handle the judgmental glares.

  “No, not yet.” I picked at my dessert.

  “I notice you don’t wear the cross I sent to you for your birthday.”

  I touched my neck, knowing it wasn’t there. “Sorry Daddy, I took it off and forgot to put it back on.”

  Seven years ago.

  “And are you dating anyone?” he asked, digging into his chocolate cake. He’d always loved sweets.

  “Not right now,” I replied, keeping it vague.

  “Your mother said you were interested in a few boys from back home. The ones I met at the party.”

  I didn’t like that my mother told him this, but the fact she kept her mouth shut about the specifics of me and the Allendale Four said a lot. She was letting my father back in but she still had her secrets too—our secrets. I wondered how long she’d hold out.

  “We’re just really good friends. They stuck by me during some tough times last year at school.”

  “Anything I should be concerned about?”

  I shook my head. “Just regular teen drama. Mean girls. Stupid guys. I’m sure you’ve dealt with cliques before.”

  It was a jab at the snobby church community but I smiled to show I was kidding. He gave me a weak grin in return. We weren’t to discuss his checkered past. I knew that, but I was also bitter about his leaving and the circumstances he left us in.

  “Cliques are complicated but it seems like you made a smart decision—surrounding yourself with strong males.” He held up his glass of wine and took a sip.

  “I didn’t befriend the boys because of their strength, Daddy. I’m quite capable of taking care of myself.”

  He smiled patronizingly. “I know you are, sweetheart, but you’ve always been sensitive.” His eyes wandered to the faint scars near my wrists. “Too concerned about what others thought of you and allowing your fears to take control. Establishing healthy relationships is a good way to feel secure. Aligning yourself with dominant males is commendable.”

  I eyed him warily, knowing this meeting wasn’t purely social. He wanted something and he’d spent the evening exerting his dominance over me with tales of his success and the fine dinner to lower my guard. I waited for the shoe to drop. It didn’t take long.

  “It was unfortunate that you and your mother had such a rough time while I was away on my mission. At the time it seemed best to cut all ties—let you have a fresh start. Now that I’m back I want to reconnect our family. It’s important to me and for my position at the church. Your mother is willing to give me a chance and I’m hoping you are, too.” He leaned back in his seat, dark eyes watching me carefully. “You’re a beautiful and smart young woman, Heaven, and I’m happy to have the chance to assist you with your college degree. Your mother said you were going to have to take out loans and get a job otherwise, correct?”

  “That was the plan, yes.”

  “You know I value hard work, and although I don’t want you to take on a traditional job that would interfere with your academics, there are a few small tasks you could perform for me while you’re here that would be beneficial to both of us.”

  A small knot of dread built in my stomach. “What kind of task?”

  “I’m responsible for the growth of Oceanside Church and bringing in prominent members of the community. There is one family in particular that we’d like to join. Their son attends the university and it’s my understanding he’s very shy and a little socially awkward.”

  “Daddy, what are you asking me to do?”

  “I’d like you to reach out to him. Make him feel supported. Represent our family.”

  “You know I’m not very social myself,” I told him. “Like, small talk and that sort of thing. I’m afraid I’d do more harm than good.”

  He picked up his phone and scrolled through. My heart stalled in my chest, terrified of what he would show me. Pictures of me making out with ten different guys? The gossip and bullying? He held it out and I saw a photo of me on stage in my Winter Princess dress, crown sparkling on my head. “Although I’m not sure I approve of the dress, or the fact you appear to have four dates, you’re definitely more charming than you give yourself credit for, Heaven. I think this is something you can do. Something you can do for me.”

  There was a tone in his voice—a heavy implication. I didn’t have a choice here. He was paying for my education and housing. Not only that, I had secrets I didn’t want him digging into.

  “I can probably fit a few social events into my schedule.”

  He smiled. “Good. And these boys, you say they’re all here at school?”

  “Yes. They’re all athletes and keep busy.”

  He folded his hands
on the table. “I suggest keeping them at arm’s length. What worked in the little town of Allendale may not benefit you here. I’m sure they’re fine young men but you have a reputation to uphold—the daughter of a preacher.”

  “There’s nothing inappropriate going on,” I lied.

  “The truth doesn’t always matter, Heaven. If things look questionable, if they seem immoral, then that’s just as bad.”

  Ignoring the irony of him telling me I needed to play nice to a shy boy in order of saving my reputation, I nodded, pretending like I was on board with his ideas. There was no way I’d ever cut my guys loose. Not for my dad. Not for anyone. I could play his game and perform his little tasks if it would keep him off my back.

  9

  My father’s car was barely out of sight when I pulled out my phone and dialed.

  “Can you come get me?”

  “Of course.”

  I heard the forest green Mustang before I saw it and hopped in the front seat before Jackson could get out and open the door for me. The car smelled like a mixture of old leather and soapy skin. He sat in the driver’s seat in a three-quarter-length-sleeved baseball jersey with the word “Allendale” across his broad chest in faded letters. His tan legs stretched out of blue mesh shorts and I saw the dark purple bruise on his knee, most likely from practice that day. A stark contrast to my dress and heels.

  “You look amazing.” His gray eyes raked down my body. “What’s going on?”

  I shook my head. “Just spent the evening with my dad and I need a brain scrubbing.”

  “You’ve got it. Where do you want to go?”

  “Anywhere quiet—I just can’t handle my suitemates right now or having to talk to someone in the hall.”

  He laughed. “Dorm life is hectic, right? I think it’s the hardest thing to get used to.” He rested his hand on my thigh, pushing the hem of my skirt up a little. “I think I have an idea of where we can go.”

  Jackson drove Oliver’s car like it was his own. His hand loose on the wheel as he drove away from campus, away from town. In a short time, we were away from the residential neighborhoods that surround the campus and he slowed before taking a sharp turn down a side road. “I was afraid I’d miss it.”

  The drive was long and winding, cloaked with heavy tree branches. “Where are we?”

  A small lake came into view along with a few picnic tables. A baseball field sat to the right of the parking lot.

  “My little league team used to come out here sometimes. I remember riding in the back of the van, with Oliver and the other guys. We’d play a game, have a cookout, and swim in the lake. There’s a little dock.”

  Before he opened the door, Jackson leaned over and kissed me. His moves were gentle, his tongue licking at my lips. “Mmmhmm, you taste like chocolate.”

  He tasted like sin and the butterflies in my belly knew how much trouble I was in.

  He pulled away abruptly and hopped out of the car, running around to open my door before I had a chance to blink. I kicked off my heels and stepped into the warm, late summer night. He went to the back of the car and opened the squeaky trunk, lifting out a red blanket. He came back over, linked his fingers with mine, and walked me toward the water.

  “I got my first home run on that field,” he told me. “I can still remember the way the bat felt in my hands and the sound of the crack as the ball hit the wood.”

  “Even then, you were a stud.”

  He ran his hand through his shaggy hair and kissed me by the ear.

  Sand coated my feet, and when we reached the dock, I stood on the edge and dipped my toes in the water. He tossed the blanket in the middle of the platform and wrapped his arms around me, resting his chin on my shoulder. The lake wasn’t big—just a small swimming hole, but it was quiet and the sky overhead revealed a million stars.

  “This is great,” I said. “Thanks for coming to get me.”

  “Anytime, babe,” he replied, flattening his hands over my belly. I felt the warmth build below my navel. The tiny coil and twisted from having him so close.

  “One sec,” he said and I watched as Jackson stretched the blanket on the dock. He took my hand and we sat together, leaning against one another’s shoulders.

  “So, your dad really stresses you out.”

  “You have no idea. He’s just…he’s not a good person. He’s selfish and manipulating—I can feel myself getting caught up in his games.”

  “Can’t you just ignore him? Say you won’t see him anymore?” Jackson’s parents weren’t as MIA as Oliver’s parents or as rich and perfect as Anderson’s, but they were supportive in a way that he couldn’t understand our family dysfunction.

  “I wish I could but, he’s paying for my school and I know my mom wants things to get better between them again. The occasional dinner isn’t a big deal.” I don’t tell him there was more to our bargain—not now. Maybe not ever.

  “Family obligations suck. I get that.”

  Jackson stretched out his legs and leaned back on his hands. I moved quickly, climbing into his lap. My skirt was flouncy. There was little between us but the cotton of my panties and the fabric of his shorts. Running my hands over his broad, firm chest, I leaned in, kissing his neck. He squirmed, laughing and grabbing for my hands, but I fought back, nibbling my way to his collarbone. It was no surprise when I felt him grow beneath me, followed by darkening and intensifying of his gray eyes.

  He pushed the sweater off my shoulders and ran his hands down my arms, then touched my chin. “You’re so beautiful.”

  I kissed him again, this time on the mouth, darting my tongue against his. The spot between my legs grew warm, wet, and I pressed against him, wanting to feel the heat.

  Jackson and I had done many things together, but we hadn’t gone all the way. Not yet. But now that we cleared the air—that I wasn’t some fragile piece of china ready to break—we could take the next step.

  I pushed him on his back and tugged my dress over my head. I hadn’t worn a bra and his eyes widened, drinking me in. His fingers reached out but stopped inches away from my skin. “Are you sure about this? Outdoors? Because I’ll stop right now and take you to a fancy hotel with a soft mattress and cushy pillows and room service and all that shit if you want.”

  I took his hands—both of them—and placed them on my breasts. “You promised me. No more playing it safe. I don’t want any of those things. I just want you.”

  He nodded and squeezed, sending a jolt through my body. I tipped my head back, loving the way his hands felt against my body.

  “I know you’ve wanted to do things to me,” I said, my voice clear in the quiet night. “Don’t hold back, Jax. Not now.”

  He sat up with a jolt, mouth crushed against mine. His fingers pushed at the lacy strip of fabric at my hip, tugging until I stood, straddling his legs, to get them off.

  “Don’t let me fall,” I laughed, steadying myself by touching his head.

  “Never.”

  He took his time, peeling them off inch by inch, blazing a trail down my legs with his fingers and lips. I stepped out of each side and the panties dropped to the dock, and I jerked in surprise when his hands moved to my backside, stroking my ass.

  “Hey,” I said, pushing at his shoulders. “Not fair leaving me up here. With nothing to do.”

  He ignored me, kissing one hip bone before traveling to the other, his mouth lingering over the sensitive skin. His lips brushed over my belly and my face heated with how close he was—how intimate we were. I stood naked on the dock, fully exposed, inexplicably trusting, with a million stars overhead. My knees buckled when I felt his breath between my legs. Breathless and shaking, I wove my fingers into his thick hair. My wobbly legs were held up with the one hand exploring my back side, while his other spread my legs wider.

  “Is it cheesy if I say that you taste like heaven?” he asked, laughing over his words. I grunted in reply, unable to speak coherently. His tongue was hot, wicked; igniting a burning deep inside of me
that I never imagined. Jackson kissed and sucked, taking me to the edge of the edge.

  I blinked and caught my breath, tugging hard at his hair and forcing him to look at me.

  “I want you inside of me. I want you to come inside of me.”

  He licked his lips, surely tasting me on them, and he pulled off his shorts, revealing his erection. His cock bobbed with freedom and he didn’t hesitate—I didn’t hesitate, easing down on his length.

  “Goddam,” he muttered into my hair. He filled me up—different than Anderson—and I liked this position. I really liked it. Sitting on his lap, eye-to-eye, mouth-to-mouth. There was no escaping the intimacy; the little pants that came with every roll of my hips. Every groan he buried in my shoulder. The rhythm was different this way—I was most certainly in control, although he’d pushed me so close to the edge that it only took a moment and his strong hand palming my tit that I came in a writhing mess while he continued to thrust.

  My body contracted around him and his movement turned erratic, desperate and messy. His hips thrust upward and his hands gripped me like a man holding on for dear life. The strong line of his jaw tensed, all while mumbling my name and when he came, god how he came, I was still quivering, shuddering—feeling the exhilaration over every inch of my hot, prickly skin.

  Jackson wrapped his arms around me and whispered in my ear, “Who knew I’d score two home runs at this park.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh because damn, he was a fool. But he was my fool. When we parted, sticky with the residue of our lovemaking and the heat between our bodies, I watched as he stood over me, naked, ripped, and proud.

  “You know what would make this even better?” he asked.

  I shook my head, because nothing would make this better. It was already the best.

  He offered me a hand and before I got all the way off the ground I realized what was happening.

  “A swim.”

  “Jackson, no!”

  We were airborne in a heartbeat and he smiled as we crashed into the water.

  He reached for me under the water. It cooled my overheated skin. “I love you, Heaven Reeves.”